?

Log in

Deanna's Journal
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Deanna's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Thursday, August 28th, 2003
10:27 am
Back From The Dead
Well hello to all of my fans. im sorry to have kept you all waiting. i hvant written since my sophomore year and now im in my senior how time flys. poo poo well have a good day to everyone the end
Friday, June 22nd, 2001
10:35 pm
god damn
just get me some fucking drugs!!!!!! i need to feel better i need to get wasted or trip or roll or anything. i need to get this feeling away. i cant even slwallow i feel so bad i think im gonna yak
8:52 pm
LIfes a Bitch
well as you can probably already guess that my parents are getting divorced. once again i have to go through this shit. my letter had no impact on ross what so ever. but i tried as hard as i could. nothing i could do it was my ma and his marrige not mine. but ive gone through it once i can do it again. it just feels kinda shitty though. well of course it does. but i wonder what things are gonna be like without him. its just weird to think about cause its all i know and i would have never thought that this would happen. but it is. and i will pull through im pretty sure. its just my ma and my brother. to grant ross is his hole world and with him gone he will be crushed. and my ma is bustin her nuts cause she thinks grant wont wantt o live with ther and she will be all alone once me and devin are gone. but i hope that goes ok. but i think im gonna go soak my feet haha what a loser i am. i feel like an old lady. i stand up all day. i think i need thoes orthopedic shoes old ladies wear

Current Mood: crushed
Thursday, June 21st, 2001
10:06 pm
to dad
I dont understand why you are doing this, why you want this. When you married my mom all those years ago I cant remember how long its been, you took on something, a responsibility. You took on Devin, my mom, and me as your family. You were always so persistent on Devin and I to think of you as our father. And over the years we have. And still do consider you our father. You have been here for us since I can remember. I thought thats what you wanted. Was a family. Well you got it. You got me Devin mom and your pride and joy grant.

And now what? After you got everything in the world most people could ever want you throw that away. You throw away so much because of a few problems. Well families have problems! Ok. But real families stick together to work through them. They dont run away because its the easy thing to do. Well thats what you are doing. You are running away because its easier. Well it may be easier for you but its not for anyone in the family. I would think that just looking at grant would be enough of a reason to try to stay together. That little boy looks up to you so much. You are his happiness. And with you gone that happiness of his would be crushed and there would be no more. You know how hard divorce has been for Devin and me. Why would you want to do that to grant? I just dont get it.

You may think that mom is a controlling bitch. But who isnt at times. The only reason she was like that was for you. The benefit of you and us. Least of all for her. It would have been so much easier for her to just put that back blanket over her eyes and let you keep drinking. And influencing grant and sometimes even maybe us. But she didnt. she didnt take the easy way out. She faced it and didnt run away. Yea its hard. But is it really worth your child? You may think that if you get divorced that you will be able to drop in and see grant any time you like. Do you remember when me and dev were little? My dad had visitation times. He couldnt see us anytime he felt like it. Remember when you left not so long ago? And you said that you would do whatever it takes to come back. Well I think you should try. I thought you missed us, The family. Well if you missed us so much why do you want to leave again?


So I hope I gave you something to think about and maybe changed your mind somewhat. I just want you to know that it is not worth it. And I love you and I wish that you would not leave. I wish that you would try and try as hard as you can to get things right. Even if it means going to a marriage consular. I dont believe in them either. But who knows lots of people go to them, maybe they do help. Give it a try. Try, maybe it will help. Go in open minded and then if you dont like it after some times going there then make your opinion. Just please for us kids try. a divorce is so hard on us. And why get one when there might be a way? I love you and hope this made you think.

Deanna

Current Mood: crushed
Sunday, June 17th, 2001
9:33 pm
i have nothing realy to say. i am just so tired and so worn out. i can hardy keep my eyes open. but when i try to go to bed it doesnt work. i just cant sleep. i just want to drag my bed out into the back yard and lay there with no bugs and look at the sky. it is so peaceful. last night i went on my roof and just layed out there watching the heat lightning across the lake. being alone helps me to clear my mind. even though there is nothing stressful going on right now. but it is still nice to be alone and just think about things. i can already see that this summer i am not going to be with notre dame kids at all. i havnt talked to any of them. they all live so far away from me but close to eachother. but thats ok. cause in the summer i never usualy do anything with the kids from ndp. its usualy my time to catch up w/ the lake orion kids. yesterday ashley called me and i was so happy when i looked at caller id and saw her name. i miss her so much. and everyone else. im just glad that we still talk somewhat. i miss matt. its almost his birthday and i have no idea what to get for him. maybe tomorrow ill find something. tomorrow im sposed to be going to the loser mall with steve. but there isnt realy anything else to do than go to the mall so yea. he is so shy. he is bringing his friend cause i think hes to scared to do something alone with me. but that means i get to bring amanda. she gets to meet the kid i always talk bout. he called me last night and no one answered the phone cause i was in the bath tub and the rest of my family is to damn lazy to get up to answer it. but then he called back in like 2 minutes hah and someone answered. but i was still in the bath. but i called him back and we talked about nothing for a while. i realy do not know if he likes me or not. i realy cant tell. but i hope so. im thinking bout asking him if im just wasting my time and should just think of him as a friend. but whatever. im to scared that i will be wasting my time likeing him. but its better to know than to get all worked up over a guy. guys arnt worth all the shit chicks go through over them. people just get all hungover about a guy and then it makes everything else shitty. (kiara) and chicks need to realize that guys arnt everything and that if that one guy doesnt have the same feelings for you as you do for him then to try your best to move on. because someone someday will feel the same for you as you do for them. i need a life!

Current Mood: mellow
11:44 am
work again
i have to go to work again today. i worked yesterday from 12-8 it was long. but i gotta walk my ass up there now so i can be there on time
Friday, June 15th, 2001
10:06 pm
today was good
today i went to mandas and we went on the boat with eric and some of the hottest guys. holy shit were they nice. like orgasim when you look at them. haha too bad i cant get guys like that. there preppy and im not. but there nice to look at haha. well i am not sure if i am ungrounded but my ma is nuts i dont understand. my ma is insane. but who knows. anyways im watching that indian movie with jonthan taylor thomas and shit. im such a nerd. me and diana and manda were watching hook today. toodles cracks me up hah. i work tomarrow and sunday. its gonna blow. but monday im sposed to do something with steve! im so excited. he is so cute. but he is so shy. i have no idea if he likes me or not. well i hope he does. he has called me and shit. but who knows. im thinkin bout just being strait foreward and askiing him strait up. but who knows what will happen if i do that.

Current Mood: anxious
Thursday, June 14th, 2001
11:16 pm
trees
tomarrow is the big day. me lyndon and maybe mijo are gonna go climb a tree. ive been looking at this tree everyday driving home from school and everyday i say how much i wanna climb it. and tomarrow is the day. we got our pitchforks, golashes, and a step stool. we need a pitch fork cause of snakes and golashes cause the tree is in a pond and we need a step stool cause it is high up. hah we are such losers. but i wanna climb this tree. ha

Current Mood: bored
Wednesday, June 13th, 2001
10:06 pm
its been a while
its been a while since ive written in this thing. i havnt realy been into it latley. ive just been grounded the hole summer so far. and thats about it. i miss some people though that i havnt been able to see since ive been grounded. i miss kiara a lot. lol but were gonna do something when i get ungrounded. which will hopefully be soon
Thursday, June 7th, 2001
3:55 pm
life latley
i havnt written in here for a while. well nothing is realy new. well yea a lot has actualy happened in the last week. for one i kinda got arrested and that blows cause my ma had to pick my up at the police srtation at 12 with my little brother. and now im grounded for 2 weeks wchich isnt bad consitering i have a record now. but i dont think we have to go to court which is good cause that woulda cost a lot of money. and well that pretty much all thats goin gon. but this is our last week of school. tomarroww im done for the summer and i am so happy to get the hell outa that shit hole.

Current Mood: weird
Wednesday, June 6th, 2001
9:40 pm
i got my iced tea so im happy!!

Current Mood: hyper
Monday, May 28th, 2001
9:54 pm
Kiara!!!
happy birthday babe i love you so much!!!have a great one
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
8:35 pm
why am i crying?
in sitting here listening to staind and all the sudden i started crying. i dont know why. i just feel like crying all of the sudden. there is to much shit going on. i cant take it anymore. putting up with peoples bull shit. why do people have to be so selfish. cant they think of anyone but theirselves for once in their dan lives? people are so rude and inconciderate to toher peoples feelings. why cant they understand their not the only ones?

sometimes it feels good to cry. just to let it all out. its like letting out everything your keeping inside but not realy letting it out.

my mom kicked him out of the house he hasnt been home for 3 days. i hope he realizes that he is an alchoholic and needs to stop drinking. we deserve better than that. i cant believe that some one would give uop everything they have in life their family just for a drink. its nuts but it happens all the time. people dont think that alchohol is a bad drug like heroin or crack. bit i think it is. it ruins relationships just like thoes trhings do. and relationships are all a person has in life. with out that i think a persons life would be a failure with out a friend and to give that up for something sp stupid is the dumbest thing any one could ever do

Current Mood: rejected
Sunday, May 20th, 2001
6:20 pm
today blew
my feet hurt

Current Mood: crappy
12:02 pm
well today is sunday and it is just like any other sunday except that i have something to do. work yay. i hate it already and yesterday was just my first day. man i hate people even more now. but oh well. friday i chilled with amanda it was gay but i had fun cause i was with her. even if we are bored off our asses we always make things fun. we roller bladed up to the movie store and i fell going down dianas drive way. haha i like flipped or something cause there is a scratch on the top of my arm. then sat i worked and went to libbys and we hung out with her family and roasted marshmellows and jumped on the trampoline with kevin haha and played crack the egg.

my mom is going nuts...i feel realy bad for her. my family life is realy fucked up right now. ross quit drinking for like a few months cause my mom was making him take annabuse. and that is a pill that makes you sick if you get any alchohol in you. then he said he was going to quit taking the oills and go to classes everynight for stopping drinking. and he never went. he started drinking again and my mom knows but ross doesnt think se does. she doesnt know what to do. she is kicking him out of the house and filing for a devorce. but she is so scared that she is gonna lose grant cause he loves his dad so much more than the rest of the family...you knoow how little boys are with their fathers. and my ma keeps crying she i a reck. we might lose half of everything we own if she gets a devorce. even though it is mostly my moms stuff..and she pays for all of it. oh man . she has the other option of just closing her eyes to it all and live with that fact that ross is a drunk. but she cant do that for grant. grant cant become a drunk. i told her i would back her up no matter what she decided

Current Mood: indescribable
Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
6:22 pm
Melvin...
Melvin..where have you been? you have not been on Aol latly are you ok?? haha well my first sentence rymes i tried to make the others but i had writers block.
Tuesday, May 15th, 2001
3:55 pm
ok
well im just gonna sit here like a moron and wait for some guy to sweep me off my feet like in a story tale. yea i bet that will happen. but kiara is right i cant go look for a man i just gotta wait so i guess thats what i'll do. since the one i wnt doesnt even know how i feel or would think that i would want him like that. and if the kid did know he'd probly freak out and never talk to me cause he is one of thoes shy boys and shit. hmmm. well whatever ill just sit here like a damn bump. and wait till its my turn to hump i rhyme pretty good. me and katie are going to godsmack and eftones. that would be the fucking coolest ass concert in the world. my ma said i cant go with just her but im going to stay the night at kates that night and go to the concert. im so smart. cause kate will have her car by then and we'll go drive down to nine mile and grashit or whatever and pick up some men. i start working on saturday so im gonna start gettin some money for some things. yay! i am always broke but not anymore. well i think im gonna go take a nap cause i have 40 tests to study for and i need to sleep now so i dont fall asleep when im studying.....what does cynical mean???

Current Mood: cynical
Monday, May 14th, 2001
5:43 pm
depressed now
god i know people hate when someone complains bout there looks so if your one of thoes people DON'T READ THIS! well i am butt! i cant get a guy i am the ugliest fuck that has ever walked on this earth. i need to lose weight and do something with my hair. cause guys dont seem to like the punk look too much. but i dont care guys suck anyways. but if they suck so much why does it upset me so much that i dont have one?? who knows im a gay ass. but i need someone to like i think or at least know that theres someone out there who wants me cause i maybe if i knowo that there is someone i'd feel better but there isnt anyone so i guess i wont feel better in this area oh well thats life i guess. it blows!
Sunday, May 13th, 2001
6:11 pm
holy shit
well today we had our loser family party for mothers day. there are still people here but im bored out of my mind. we always get stuck havibng it cause my family is cheap as fuck. oh man but im full i just keep eating and eating cause there is nothing else to do. but im gonna go to bed soon after i do my homework. jaz is in love im so happy fer her hah god im jelous she gets every damn guy she wants but oh well. yesterday brett came over when my parents left and it was pretty gay. i rather be at the laundry matt haha
Saturday, May 12th, 2001
8:36 pm
yea well...
today was pretty loser and last night was fun though me katie paula and jas sat around like dumb fucks. and me paula and kate played the ouiji board and i hope it comes true. haha then today i went to the gay laundry matt and did my laundry cause it was to much for my house and would take forever so i spent my sat at the laundry matt. and then brett came over and we fucked around in my room. hah and then its now and im bored and have nothign to do on this sat night. oh yea dave called me and i was so surprised lol he wanted to know if i wanted to buy any pot but i told him i quit and he was mad lol then he said hed call me cack later tonight and yea. i dont realy care that he called me im over him. i have moved on to somebody new. a gimp... kiara you can probly figure this out...and dont make fun. ha.. yea hes realy cute and i want him and the ouiji board said we'd hook up and i hope it comes true. tomarrow we are having a loser family party for mothers day. the only good thing is that we have cake and i like that. but i dont want to eat it cause im doing good on this hole eating healthy thing i lost 5 lbs..yay me. but i think i ate a lot today cause i feel fat

Current Mood: bored
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com